At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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