She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
