Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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