You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
