Fuck appropriateness.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
