My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
