I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
