so explain again why im purple
no
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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