i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
