"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
