I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize