One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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