As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
