i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
