Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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