For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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