were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
