its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
