i would punch a child for taco bell
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
