The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
