Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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