I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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