So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
