Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
