tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
