She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize