I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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