I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
When are your genitals available?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
