I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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