thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
