oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
