All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
