It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I want a musical about memes.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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