Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
