Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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