I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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