Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
