My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Randomize
