What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
