she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
