Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
