THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
