I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i wish my penis had a tongue
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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