God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
