she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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