This girl is more easily done than said...
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
