Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
whose parrot is this?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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