I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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