Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize