If i come over, it means nothing
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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