everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I supernannyed him into submission
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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