It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
