so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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