my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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