is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
