I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
