hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
