They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
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