hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
