You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
my being single is dangerous.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
