Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
