so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We don't watch enough power rangers
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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