do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
