I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
