The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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