I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
