i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
