I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
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