First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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