either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i was born a porn star she said
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
