i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
