oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
