Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
