I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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