it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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