so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
