I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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