That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize