i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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