I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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