Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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