im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
