Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
