At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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