its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
