And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
