My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
