So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
