That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Randomize
