drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
