guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
