im drinking this country out of the recession.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
