yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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