Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
