I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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