I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize