A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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