I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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