i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
