i already hear my dad disowning me
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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