That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize