i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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