Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
