I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
