Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
