dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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