woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize