Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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