Kareoke will never be a sober sport
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
